What does it mean being someone’s wife? Probably not much these days in this modern, rueful, immoral world where marriage can be undermined, tainted, and broken off easily. It takes a lot to understand that marriage is a holy relationship created by God, and it requires undeterred commitment, love and submission…
Read Ephesians 5:21-32 & 1 Peter 2:21-3:-6
Submission is a big part of Christian living. We are called to submit one to another. The central of our submission to others is a reflection and outworking of our submission to Christ. In a marriage relationship, wives are particularly called to submit to their husbands.
We are inclined to restrict submission to mean obedience, and refer only upward to those who are in authority over us. But Paul’s instruction is directed to every believer without any exceptions, even downward to those below us. The Greek word ‘submit’ (‘hupatassomai’) does not mean so much ‘to obey’, but “to place oneself under”, ie ‘submission is the placing of oneself under the one to whom we submit’. Since we are commanded to submit ourselves one to another, we are to place all others above ourselves. The service we rendered cost us something and often involves a sacrifice. Those to whom we submit have, in some manner, priority over us: our rights, our pleasure, our time, or our will.
In a marriage relationship, the woman is to “put herself under” the headship of her own husband. In a way the love of a woman for her husband is special and unique. There are no restrictions to the scope of her submission as the woman is subjected to submit to her own husband “in everything”. The wife’s submission is to be complete, across the board, without exception. It is not said that he must be a Christian, for the submission of the wife is required even if the husband is “disobedient to the word”. Nor this is due to any merit on his part (e.g: not because he is a good leader and deserves to be followed). But it is because he, as her husband, is the picture of Christ (‘the head’) in her marriage, as she is the picture of His church (who ‘submits to’ the head). However, true submission is not blind submission. Even though a godly wife may not be able, before God, to obey her husband’s every demand (especially if he is not a Christian), but in her disobedience she can still be submissive in spirit. As submission is not always expressed in obedience, true submission also means acting on behalf of another, for their benefit, at your expense. She need never cease to be submissive in spirit, even if she must disobey him in a specific area.
As difficult as the word to be grasped, it is even more difficult to put submission into practice. In fact it is impossible with our own strength. We in our sinful nature resist the necessity of submission as though it were the most horrible requirement. The world (or culture) in which we live is adamant in its resistance to the teachings of Scripture regarding the submission of wives to their husbands. Our own flesh resists subordination to the interests of others, insisting on seeking self-interests first. And the devil persists, as he has done from the beginning, to promote rebellion against God’s authority and His headship.
That only means that we must look to God to produce that of which we are incapable, but which His word commands. Our attitude and role model should be that of Christ (Philippians 2:5-11). The One who submitted Himself to the will of the Father and to the suffering of the cross is the One who will return to subject the whole world to His authority. And it is by the Holy Spirit in our life that the will and the ability to obey His commands are produced. To submit to one another necessitates that we ‘die daily’, that our self-centredness and sins be crucified, and put to death. This is God’s work, and we must trust in Him to do it. This is God’s work, and we must cooperate with Him as He does it.
In a marriage relationship, it is the husband’s privilege to portray the headship of Christ over the church by his loving and sacrificial leadership. The wife’s privilege and high calling is to symbolically represent the church in its submission to the Lord Jesus Christ, its Head. The divinely appointed role of marriage as a symbol of Christ and the church is therefore the basis for the attitudes and behaviour of both the husband and the wife. To fail to submit is to disobey our Lord, to dishonour the word of God (Titus 2:5), and to distort the representation of Christ and His church.
How to then to submit? Paul’s instructions are not given to us to make submission easy, but to challenge us to godly living.
The first example of submission is that of the silence of the wife. Following the example set by none other than our Lord, wives should not try to convince or convert their disobedient husbands by their words, but by means of their silence and their manner. The ungodly woman would seek to change her husband by nagging him (Proverbs 19:13, 25:24), but the godly woman leaves change to God.
Secondly, the submissive spirit is found in the chaste appearance and conduct of the wife. This is reflected in the dress and appearance of the woman. The ungodly woman, like the world in which she lives, is obsessed with outward appearances, rather than with inward character (Proverbs 31:30).
Last but not least, a wife’s submission is that of reverence or respect for her husband. How easy it is for a wife to subtly indicate a spirit of disrespect and undermining the husband credibility by her attitudes, words and by her actions, even if she meant good. (Proverbs 12:4).
A commitment to marriage is the commitment to a lifetime of submission to the man she marry. If there is any one question which should be in the woman’s mind concerning marriage, it is this one: “Is this the kind of man I want as my “head,” to whom I will submit in all things for the rest of my life?”. Once in marriage, this question must be laid aside. The man she has married is the man to whom she must submit.
